Okay, we get it. Kate Middleton gave birth. Woo-hoo. Now can we PLEASE leave the poor new mother alone and stop talking about it?
This is America, people! Why are we obsessing over some rich Brit’s new son? I understand he’s royal, good for him, but do we really have to keep gawking over it? Let’s be honest, there’s not even much to say. There are thousands of babies born daily in the U.S., so I’m not quite sure why the birth of a baby an ocean away -- literally -- is such breaking ‘news.’
I know it may be hard to believe, but there are still other things happening in the world. While everyone else has been consumed with new baby George (which is an extremely plain, not exciting name, by the way) I have been paying attention to much more important news.
These are some of the recent occurrences that really matter:
1. Former hot dog eating champ Takeru Kobayashi drinking a gallon of milk in 20 seconds after eating 13 cupcakes in a minute. Now that’s an accomplishment.
2. A news reporter acting out what to do if you’re attacked by a bear. The video is super helpful.
3. A Canadian man chugging 8 beers and swimming across the river to Detroit. If nothing else, at least he can say he did it, right?
4. Monopoly getting rid of ‘jail’ so today’s busy kids can play in as little as 30 minutes. As a child who grew up playing Monopoly for hours at a time, this change to the classic game is heartbreaking news.
5. A man shoplifting a baby alligator...in his shirt. Isn’t that dangerous or something?
6. Amanda Bynes being...herself. Enough said.
7. A frog using a leaf as an umbrella. Awww.
8. Beyonce continuing to sing while her hair is caught in a fan during her concert. This demonstration of perseverance proves she’s still Queen B -- true American royalty.
9. Honey Boo Boo’s sister, Pumpkin, eating a 4-pound sandwich. Look out Kobayashi, you may have some competition.
10. Barbie fighting with other dolls to keep her #1 spot in doll sales. We can’t have Barbie losing her popularity.
Hopefully these news stories have helped take your mind off of the royal madness consuming our news feeds and helped you realize that there are other important, exciting things going on. I mean, a frog using an umbrella...come on, that’s big stuff.
Author: Piper Donnelly is our Summer Editor, Word-Smith and Communications Connoisseur here at Verge Pipe Media. Verge Pipe Media assists public institutions, enterprises and the non-profit sector with Imaginative Inbound Marketing strategies + campaigns. We also have a development team chock full of Marvelous Mobile Migrators, poised to help transition our clients into a mobile + social world with custom software, iOS and Android mobile apps.